This Apple hating has to stop

I just came off this piece by Dan Lyons.

Almost nobody can manage a basic logical thought flow for all the rush of blood to the head around iPhone announcement time. Before making any kind of judgement, people need to get over the idea that Apple owes them something.

What's that? They didn't innovate fast enough for your liking? They set such high standards in innovation and delightful design that you're disappointed now? And this is newsworthy?

It's pointless looking at the Apple vs Samsung debate as a metric for judging comparative innovation. Patent laws are a joke, . Yes it's ridiculous that Apple can patent the round corners on their iOS icons. But Samsung are not without legal help. The laws are out there for any company to take advantage of. The battle you see is quite normal and very common in tech these days. You only have to look at Kodak, Motorola, etc.

Just because you now know what the word innovation or interface means, does not mean you're allowed to use those words to generate clicks. And it does not mean that your idea of innovation (the bigger screened Samsung) is the correct idea of innovation.

Mr Lyons has no idea about the fundamentals of design. "Apple got where it was by taking bold risks. Now it has become a company that copies others and plays it safe." Well, they took the risk of disappointing you, sir.

When the iPhone 5 came out with more incremental but nonetheless noticeable improvements, personally, it tells me that they are EVEN MORE serious about making a good phone.

And more: "Today it's a Toyota Camry. Safe, reliable, boring. The car your mom drives. The car that's so popular that its maker doesn't dare mess with the formula." This is called unobtrusive design, among other good things. This is design. And is certainly what Steve would have wanted.

The iOS interface hasn't changed since 2007 because it's awesome. Just know this.

Omega watches are great and all but you know those little hands on the face still just mostly go around in a circle. I'm wanting something a little more ENGAGING and INTUITIVE maybe, perhaps with a better INTERFACE. You know like maybe a fourth or fifth hand…

Social Media Metrics

Want to know what is a complete crock of shit?

This is: Check it out. This evening I tweeted about the dinner I made at home, made a rough comparison to one of my favourite restaurants in New York and left it.

A few minutes later some scanning software picked up on the name Bar Pitti (I didn't hashtag it), retweeted my tweet on their restaurant guide account, and that tweet in turn was published on the restaurant guide actual website under the guise of some kind of "top tweet" relating to the restaurant. Mine's the middle one.

Now this is quite retarded. I didn't give permission for my tweet to appear on a foodie website, and I'm quite sure the restaurant doesn't want to know that I think I make better linguine (and I don't - it's literary license).

Besides my personal issues with unauthorised use, bla bla, I shudder to think what other problems like this are happening every second, wasting readers' time, creating neutral to negative publicity for the businesses or people concerned - but also, happening across industries or on far more important matters or in more sensitive situations.

I know this happens because someone sold a gullible, marketing someone a product that involves keyword scanning and retweeting and all the metrics they could possibly hope for. But guess what? I don't care. This social media measurement idea has really reached quite a low. And until the people paying for rubbish metrics wake up (most companies) we will forever be a second-rate, "it's not rocket science" industry.

Fast food shitshow

My new thing at South African chain-type and quick service restaurants is to first see if there are more staff than customers at any given time. If there are, I leave immediately and make another plan.

There's something about having a manager, three sub-managers and ten waiters standing around looking as pathetic as ever - three to poke the credit card machine to get it to work, another three to welcome people into the place - you know the vibe.

Look inside a Nandos, it's a shitshow. Three customers wanting something fairly basic, and twelve staff completley spinning in the kitchen - with those operating the cash register always very upset with the sods deep-frying stuff in the back. Every single time... How are they not coping? Go somewhere with one or two staff and 15 customers and presto, shit gets done.

Tagline:

SunTrust Bank - Live Solid. Bank Solid.

Where do I begin? Do I begin?

To be a rockstar

You've got to have pain. And more importantly, you can't kid yourself about how in touch with your emotions you are. I'm not going to mention exactly which recent documentary I saw on a "multicultural contemporary South African band" that made me think of this.

You can't sell your political ideologies (as they are probably less than informed) and you can't keep thinking about what your audience wants to hear (they are hardly a yardstick). You have to sell your feelings and your honesty - sell your pain. Even if all you have is happy pain.

Right, anti-virus software... where to begin

I've been without anti-virus software for around five years. The day I removed it from my work computer, my productivity went up at least 20 percent, due mostly to the poor thing not choking itself to death with constant and untimely scans and update procedures (updates at least a weekly occurrence requiring something like a 50meg download each time).

Most of these scans also happen (unavoidably) on startup - which is kind of an inappropriate time, considering I shut it down the night before. I promise nothing has happened in this time, dear programmers, and when I get to work I expect to be able to work and use programs, not be faced with a little twirly icon in the corner as the only evidence of life for the next half hour.

In fact, on occasion, mister anti-virus was scanning and updating so hard he couldn't even twirl his own icon. After the fourth or fifth time that happened, and a few therapy sessions later, I realised I was in fact on candid camera. Off with his head.

I also have not had this software on my personal laptop since I bought it new two years ago and have never been happier. I just don't do anything too stupid. Now I'm not saying that anti-virus companies are the ones inventing viruses, or at the very least inducing some sort of low-level panic - I'm not saying that. I mean I'm just saying...

The Earth Speaks

So the earth has apparently decided to communicate with humans by means of the sides of Chipotle packets.

It's sort of like the subway ads that you read because there's nothing else to look at. You look up, instantly regret it and are left feeling a bit depressed. I'm sure customers would be fine with a blank bag, and it would give whichever intern wrote it more time to make better coffee, which would in turn (sic) hopefully make everyone have better ideas. Or are they making media commission on litter too?

Picture it, you're sitting in a Chipotle late at night, crying into your take-out because you didn't pull at the club, you look around, and the only thing in view that grabs your attention is a brown bag with writing on it. You read it, and cry a little harder.

What some may regard as flair, is really just clutter. Leave the bag blank, you'll be fine. I promise.

Tagline:

Range Rover - Powered by Intelligence

Well that's a fookin burn.

Tagline:

Time Warner Cable. The Power of You.

That's right...
You heard correctly.

The Power of You.

The Second Enlightenment

Finally, my decision in my last year of high school to drop from higher grade to standard grade mathematics seems vindicated. I didn't enjoy it and any talent I may have had for it was spoiled by a certain teacher fairly early on. It soon became clear to me that my talents lay elsewhere.

Only very recently it seems, though, that people are beginning to be able to gain any kind of real recognition or status for being talented in any other areas, like the arts or subjects like marketing or understanding of human behaviour. I think the reasons for this are numerous and come from very different angles. The world's centuries-long obsession with science and progress, or rather, progress through science only, seems to be reaching it's end. Sir Ken Robinson made some very good points at last year's TED. Well worth it.