Social Media Metrics

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Want to know what is a complete crock of shit?

This is: Check it out. This evening I tweeted about the dinner I made at home, made a rough comparison to one of my favourite restaurants in New York and left it.

A few minutes later some scanning software picked up on the name Bar Pitti (I didn't hashtag it), retweeted my tweet on their restaurant guide account, and that tweet in turn was published on the restaurant guide actual website under the guise of some kind of "top tweet" relating to the restaurant. Mine's the middle one.

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Now this is quite retarded. I didn't give permission for my tweet to appear on a foodie website, and I'm quite sure the restaurant doesn't want to know that I think I make better linguine (and I don't - it's literary license).

Besides my personal issues with unauthorised use, bla bla, I shudder to think what other problems like this are happening every second, wasting readers' time, creating neutral to negative publicity for the businesses or people concerned - but also, happening across industries or on far more important matters or in more sensitive situations.

I know this happens because someone sold a gullible, marketing someone a product that involves keyword scanning and retweeting and all the metrics they could possibly hope for. But guess what? I don't care. This social media measurement idea has really reached quite a low. And until the people paying for rubbish metrics wake up (most companies) we will forever be a second-rate, "it's not rocket science" industry.

A man after my own heart

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Rob Campbell just said some amazing shit that I'm pretty sure I coincidentally said too this morning at a meeting with Anomaly.

Primarily this:

"Maybe if we just got on with what brands and society actually wanted and needed from us, we’d end producing more great commercially creative ideas than proprietary bullshit."

and this:

"Too many companies care more about the process than what the process delivers."

and this:

"I’m not talking about creative awards or effectiveness papers that have made a ‘degree of change’ sound like the second coming of Jesus … I’m talking about doing stuff that fundamentally – and undeniably – shifts the needle."

That Slimy Bastard

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I love the Barbie and Ken campaign on billboards around NYC. And I think it's because they only show Ken.

I mean... I like girls, but there's just so much left to the imagination. It takes the whole Barbie concept from being just an object and a doll, to reminding people of the captivating soap operas that once took place inside so many little girl's rooms around the world.

Not so sure about the inevitably-cheesy-as-shit reality show Genuine Ken that is associated with the campaign (the real cash cow) but it's otherwise a great way to get people thinking and remembering.

Anyway, I always knew Ken would make a comeback.

The Earth Speaks

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So the earth has apparently decided to communicate with humans by means of the sides of Chipotle packets.

It's sort of like the subway ads that you read because there's nothing else to look at. You look up, instantly regret it and are left feeling a bit depressed. I'm sure customers would be fine with a blank bag, and it would give whichever intern wrote it more time to make better coffee, which would in turn (sic) hopefully make everyone have better ideas. Or are they making media commission on litter too?

Picture it, you're sitting in a Chipotle late at night, crying into your take-out because you didn't pull at the club, you look around, and the only thing in view that grabs your attention is a brown bag with writing on it. You read it, and cry a little harder.

What some may regard as flair, is really just clutter. Leave the bag blank, you'll be fine. I promise.

The Future of Advertising

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This morning I read an article in Fast Company, which really got at why advertising is so tough now, why everyone is so lost, and why the people who were once known for building great brands are now bowing to computer geeks and search freaks. Read at least the first page to get an idea before you read on.

While I was reading, some words and phrases literally jumped right off the page at me:

"Fragmented consumer attention"

"Digital is incremental"

"Respond in real time to an unpredictable audience" [my god...]

And my personal favorite from the old guard, now so distracted by the geeks that they forgot what they came here to do:

"I'm a person petrified to fail."

These things sound to me like pretty much everything that good branding is not about. All this chasing. All these analytics. In fact, all this "essential" two-way micro-conversation with customers. Chase, test, measure, tweak, test. Who sent us barking up this tree? What a horrific concept of personality. These sound like the actions of a perfectly awful and avoidable brand.

Alan Watts said that we can peer down a microscope and say "Look! I've found something smaller than the atom, the electron!" And then someone else says that they've found something even smaller, the quark. We can keep going and going with all our new technology, but when will these particles stop getting smaller? What is it exactly that we expect to find? That we've really got them now! Found you!

What happened to building equity?

Now, on the opposite end of the spectrum we have the guys who seem to have it too easy in almost every regard (haters gonna hate):

Which brand is everybody's favorite? Apple. Right.
Which brand still buys TV and billboards? Apple.
Which brand builds brick and mortar stores you actually want to visit?
Which brand DOES NOT HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT?

Just sayin.

Taglines

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Imagine a world without taglines.

How would you judge brands?

Firstly, you would be forced to judge them by their names. A great brand name is a gateway to all manner of brand success (and I will definitely be sharing more of my thoughts on that). Secondly, you would be forced to feel brands - feel the unique composite of their vibe, and not be limited by only verbal communication.

So often a perfectly reasonable 30 sec TV spot has whatever decent message it just tried so hard to get across replaced by a perfectly rubbish few words flashed across the screen right at the end. A picture is worth a thousand words? Well the word equivalent of 7500 frames of genius cinematic production has just been replaced in the viewer's mind by, wait for it...

Ford. Drive One.

Why not just shut up?

Taglines are one of those things that people feel forced to create and compete on because the next guy just did it. And now we have a whole new sub-medium where the primary call to action is a fear that a competitor might occupy the same territory if one doesn't grab it first.

Anyhow, in terms of brand personality, judging a person by their actions and not their words is regarded to be better, and one would normally avoid making judgements of a person by what or who they say they are. Especially if they babble the same sweet nothings at you every time.

Really?

HP – Expanding possibilities
AMD – The smarter choice

Way decent:

Virginia is for lovers
Alaska - B4UDIE
Scotland the brand
South Africa - Alive with possibility
Nike - Just do it
The Independent - It is, are you?